u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
