u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
