my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
