Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize