you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
