No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
