she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
