i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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