When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
