She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
