omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
