So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
