i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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