Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
