ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
