I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
