Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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