So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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