I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
