TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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