Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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