Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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