stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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