it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
