Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
