Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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