I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
