i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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