dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
