my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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