I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
