If i come over, it means nothing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
