he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
