He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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