Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
