I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
