Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
