Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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