Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
