just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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