who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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