I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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