when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
