its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
