I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
