i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
