Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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