"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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