I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
