dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
