hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
