sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
