someone threw a dead crab at me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
