Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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