I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
