There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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