Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
