if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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