Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
