He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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