Apparently you make a good broom.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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