we're making bets on your personal life
You're like the curious george of whores
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
