Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize