if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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