The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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