What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
