you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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