just tell him i said nine months
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
