I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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