i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
